My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize