I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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