I want to walk on stilts...naked
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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