Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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