Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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