you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
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She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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