I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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