Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize