so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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