i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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