guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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