I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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