I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
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