He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to just BURY HIM!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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