I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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