I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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