well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize