i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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