he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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