Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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