I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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