I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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