The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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