I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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