AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
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It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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