I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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