Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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