do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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