Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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