I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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