i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You have to summon your inner elephant
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize