Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize