Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to make out with him forever
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize