Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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