I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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