It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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