Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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