I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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