You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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