I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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