We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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