Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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