obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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