im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize