ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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