you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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