i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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