I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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