i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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