What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
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honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I could fuck to npr.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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