I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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