cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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